Only choose to marry a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man.~Joseph Joubert

We often have such unrealistic expectations of our mates that it is as if we do not want them to measure up.
We want them to be like, act like, behave like some idealistic model we have cooked up in our minds.
The problem is that we never reveal to them what the model is.
We hold them accountable and responsible to satisfy our desires, but we forget to tell them what our desires are.
We must remember that our mates are people.
They are not mind readers.
We are asking for disappointment when we do not share with them our expectations.
We complain to friends, compare them to family members; why not talk to the one person who could probably help set things right?
We should talk to our mates as if they are our friends.
Reveal to them those parts of us that we have hidden from the world.
And if in our heart of hearts we cannot do this, we need to ask ourselves, "Why am I with this person?"

Affirmation: I want more than a mate, I want a friend.~Iyanla Vanzant (Acts of Faith)

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.-Bill Cosby

When we convince ourselves that we can't find the right mate, we try to make the one we have into the one we want.
There are two ways to do this.
First, we need to see who we have and tell ourselves they are someone different.
The other way is to try and fix what we have.
Neither idea works.
When we are not honest with ourselves about who are mate really is, we end up dillusioned and disappointed.
It is not their fault, it is our own.,
We must be clear about what we want from a relationship whether it is social, business or intimate.
Then we must make a decision to wait for exactly what we want.
If who we have is not who we want, say so!
It is not our job to change the person.
If we buy a pair of shoes and they do not fit, should we wear them and suffer or take them back to the store?

Affirmation: Who I want is important enough for me to wait for.
~Iyanla Vanzant (Acts of Faith)

Would you marry you?

We are always looking for the perfect relationship.
The goal is to find that perfect someone who will make our lives a better place to be.
It is unfortunate that we don't realize perfection runs two ways.
In order to find that perfect somebody, we must believe that, whatever perfect is, we have already achieved it.
No one can give us what we don't already have.
Mr. or Ms. Right cannot be to us what we are not.
If we are unhappy, unfulfilled, not pleased about who we are, we owe it to ourselves to stop looking.
We have to ask ourselves: Would I marry me?
Am I doing my best, giving my all, being the best I can be to myself?
If not, why are we pawning ourselves off on someone else.
We need to take time to do some homework on self-love, self-esteem, and self confidence.
When we can pass the test of self-acceptance, the perfect someone who will compliment all that we already are will walk right through the door.

Affirmation: The love and harmony within me reaches out and draws my mate.
~Iyanla Vanzant (Acts of Faith)

For the other posts and more information about Relationships, Success, & Life Lessons click on the .info link!

Tawana Necole
Experiences, Encouragement, Empowerment

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